The Art of the Female Wing

We all have that friend who is just too nice sometimes. It’s not that they can’t say no, they are just too nice in general and give too much, undeserving benefit of the doubt; and/or they’re just trapped by two douches and a dick. It’s all quite unfortunate. And we ourselves also just have our days when all we can think when faced with some of these characters at some bars is: are you fucking kidding me, god? The combination of these factors can result in the cockblock, which in general I would not particularly condone, but sometimes it’s just necessary. Some dudes are just relentless and as much as we want to give them that A for effort, they are just too offensive for the easy let-down. And let’s be real, someone’s just gotta make it stop for everyone’s sake.

Be THAT bitch. Oh you know, that one that every dude-bro hates cause she calls him out on all his shit. That one whose bitch-face turns on like pop rocks at a chuck-e-cheese with any trace of bullshit.

So here are some options:

1. LIE.

     “Oh, you’re an elementary school teacher with your polo shirt and brooks brothers loafers on? Really? That’s cool. I’m an organic farmer.”… “What do you farm?” You: “Salt.”

Walk away, bitch.

2. Ditz it up. (aka act 16)

“O-M-G. That’s so totes cool. My friend and I are like so supes into J.Biebs like ALL THE TIME.” at this point you and your homegirl should have a well-choreographed rendition of “Baby” on lock and ready to go on cue. (no really, who doesn’t already?)

3. Step in.

In dance floor situations, it’s quite simple but let’s kick it up a notch. Once you’ve wiggled your way in between by either literally pulling her away or turning her around, don’t stop there: dance like there’s no tomorrow and like you want EVERYONE WATCHING. Dance like a crazy ass muthafucka with nothing but age to lose. Dance so hard that bro’ can’t even touch you (literally and figuratively). Only the strong willed will prevail in the end, and you aren’t easy.

p.s.